How many of us have learned how to
build loving relationships? Where
did we learn? At home? At school?
There is an art and science to
building strong relationships. These
indispensable tips were written with
romantic relationships in mind, but
with a little modification you can
apply them to your friendships,
family and even work relationships.
1. Create a safe environment where
you can trust and share openly
without being afraid.
Don’t interrupt, even if you need to
put your hand over your mouth to
stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly.
No name calling. Don’t make
threats. Apologize when you know
you should. If you’re too angry to
really listen, stop! Go into another
room, take space for yourself,
breathe and “calm down.”
Remember: your partner is not the
enemy.
2. Separate the facts from the
feelings.
What beliefs and feelings get
triggered in you during conflicts?
Ask yourself: Is there something
from my past that is influencing how
I’m seeing the situation now? The
critical question you want to ask: Is
this about him or her, or is it really
about me? What’s the real truth?
Once you’re able to differentiate
facts from feelings, you’ll see your
partner more clearly and be able to
resolve conflicts from clarity.
3. Connect with the different
parts of yourself.
Each of us is not a solo
instrument. We’re more like a
choir or an orchestra with
several voices. What is your mind
saying? What is your heart saying?
What is your body saying? What is
your ‘gut’ saying? For example: My
mind is saying ‘definitely leave her,’
but my heart says ‘I really love her.’
Let these different voices or parts of
you co-exist and speak to one
another. In this way, you will find an
answer that comes from your whole
self.
4. Develop and cultivate
compassion.
Practice observing yourself and your
partner without judging. Part of you
might judge, but you don’t have to
identify with it. Judging closes a
door. The opposite of judging is
compassion. When you are
compassionate, you are open,
connected, and more available to
dialoging respectfully with your
partner. As you increasingly learn to
see your partner compassionately,
you will have more power to choose
your response rather than just
reacting.
5. Create a “we” that can house
two “I’s”.
The foundation for a thriving,
growing, mutually-supportive
relationship is to be separate and
connected. In co-dependent
relationships, each person sacrifices
part of him or her self, compromising
the relationship as a whole. When
you are separate and connected,
each individual “I” contributes to
the creation of a “we” that is
stronger than the sum of its parts.
The differences between you and
your partner are not negatives. You
don’t need to be with someone who
shares all of your interests and
views. We may sometimes fear that
these differences are
incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re
often what keeps a relationship
exciting and full of good fire .
6. Partner, heal thyself.
Don’t expect your partner to fill your
emotional holes, and don’t try to fill
theirs. Ultimately, each of us can
only heal ourselves. Your partner,
however, can be supportive as you
work with yourself, and vice versa. In
fact, living in a loving relationship is
healing in and of itself.
7. Ask questions when you’re
unsure or are making assumptions.
All too often, we make up our own
stories or interpretations about what
our partners’ behavior means. For
example: “She doesn’t want to
cuddle; she must not really love me
anymore.” We can never err on the
side of asking too many questions,
and then listen to the answers from
your whole self — heart, gut, mind
and body. Equally important is to
hear what’s not being said — the
facts and feeling that you sense
might be unspoken.
8. Make time for your relationship.
No matter who you are or what your
work is, you need to nurture your
relationship. Make sure you
schedule time for the well-being of
your relationship. That includes
making “playdates” and also taking
downtime together. Frequently
create a sacred space together by
shutting off all things technological
and digital. Like a garden, the more
you tend to your relationship, the
more it will grow.
9. Say the “hard things” from love.
Become aware of the hard things
that you’re not talking about. How
does that feel? No matter what
you’re feeling in a situation, channel
the energy of your emotions so that
you say what you need to say in a
constructive manner.
There you have it. Be kind to
yourselves. Remember: change takes
time and every step counts.
Toboa siri
build loving relationships? Where
did we learn? At home? At school?
There is an art and science to
building strong relationships. These
indispensable tips were written with
romantic relationships in mind, but
with a little modification you can
apply them to your friendships,
family and even work relationships.
1. Create a safe environment where
you can trust and share openly
without being afraid.
Don’t interrupt, even if you need to
put your hand over your mouth to
stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly.
No name calling. Don’t make
threats. Apologize when you know
you should. If you’re too angry to
really listen, stop! Go into another
room, take space for yourself,
breathe and “calm down.”
Remember: your partner is not the
enemy.
2. Separate the facts from the
feelings.
What beliefs and feelings get
triggered in you during conflicts?
Ask yourself: Is there something
from my past that is influencing how
I’m seeing the situation now? The
critical question you want to ask: Is
this about him or her, or is it really
about me? What’s the real truth?
Once you’re able to differentiate
facts from feelings, you’ll see your
partner more clearly and be able to
resolve conflicts from clarity.
3. Connect with the different
parts of yourself.
Each of us is not a solo
instrument. We’re more like a
choir or an orchestra with
several voices. What is your mind
saying? What is your heart saying?
What is your body saying? What is
your ‘gut’ saying? For example: My
mind is saying ‘definitely leave her,’
but my heart says ‘I really love her.’
Let these different voices or parts of
you co-exist and speak to one
another. In this way, you will find an
answer that comes from your whole
self.
4. Develop and cultivate
compassion.
Practice observing yourself and your
partner without judging. Part of you
might judge, but you don’t have to
identify with it. Judging closes a
door. The opposite of judging is
compassion. When you are
compassionate, you are open,
connected, and more available to
dialoging respectfully with your
partner. As you increasingly learn to
see your partner compassionately,
you will have more power to choose
your response rather than just
reacting.
5. Create a “we” that can house
two “I’s”.
The foundation for a thriving,
growing, mutually-supportive
relationship is to be separate and
connected. In co-dependent
relationships, each person sacrifices
part of him or her self, compromising
the relationship as a whole. When
you are separate and connected,
each individual “I” contributes to
the creation of a “we” that is
stronger than the sum of its parts.
The differences between you and
your partner are not negatives. You
don’t need to be with someone who
shares all of your interests and
views. We may sometimes fear that
these differences are
incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re
often what keeps a relationship
exciting and full of good fire .
6. Partner, heal thyself.
Don’t expect your partner to fill your
emotional holes, and don’t try to fill
theirs. Ultimately, each of us can
only heal ourselves. Your partner,
however, can be supportive as you
work with yourself, and vice versa. In
fact, living in a loving relationship is
healing in and of itself.
7. Ask questions when you’re
unsure or are making assumptions.
All too often, we make up our own
stories or interpretations about what
our partners’ behavior means. For
example: “She doesn’t want to
cuddle; she must not really love me
anymore.” We can never err on the
side of asking too many questions,
and then listen to the answers from
your whole self — heart, gut, mind
and body. Equally important is to
hear what’s not being said — the
facts and feeling that you sense
might be unspoken.
8. Make time for your relationship.
No matter who you are or what your
work is, you need to nurture your
relationship. Make sure you
schedule time for the well-being of
your relationship. That includes
making “playdates” and also taking
downtime together. Frequently
create a sacred space together by
shutting off all things technological
and digital. Like a garden, the more
you tend to your relationship, the
more it will grow.
9. Say the “hard things” from love.
Become aware of the hard things
that you’re not talking about. How
does that feel? No matter what
you’re feeling in a situation, channel
the energy of your emotions so that
you say what you need to say in a
constructive manner.
There you have it. Be kind to
yourselves. Remember: change takes
time and every step counts.
Toboa siri
1 comments:
You have an interesting blog. thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading your posts
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