KBL to introduce a low-priced brand in the market, to counter illicit brews.

Kenya: Battle for a share of the low- end alcohol market is set to go a notch higher. This follows plan by Kenya Breweries Limited (KBL) to introduce a low-priced brand in the market, to counter illicit brews. While there is a ban on spirits sold in sachets, most of these brands have surfaced in rural areas where business is booming.

Nairobi’s newest socialite Corazon Kwamboka is not keen on covering those curves

Following a few weeks of silence, she has unleashed a new set of pictures, which many would say are a little more decent that her previous ones

ken wa maria proposes to lupita

Ken wa Maria has released a new song dubbed Lupita Nyong’o in which he proposes marriage to the Oscar award winning actress. In the song, Ken wa Maria promises to take Lupita to his home in Matuu and together they will bring forth many

Who would resist arest?

A certain police woman on Kiambu road has caught the public eye, not sure whether its for a good or bad reason. The officer in question has her photos making rounds on the internet thanks to her tight skirt.

hurchil becomes kenyas first individual to hit 1m facebook likes

Daniel Ndambuki, better known as Churchill, yesterday became the first Kenyan individual to reach 1 million likes on Facebook.

Showing posts with label SHENG ZA NAIROBI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SHENG ZA NAIROBI. Show all posts

Monday, 17 November 2014

MABABI KUWAKILISHA NA U-SOURCE , WAAAAH !!

Nahusko Dubz kuna campo nifla ina julikana kama American University of Dubai. Hiyo chuo majority ya mastiude wako miaka ka 24/25,lakini jo!uki yebi parking lot unaweza chizi. Zile mandae ziko parking uta get ndae kama Rolls-Royce,Ferrari, Aston Martin na akina Bently.Hizi ni zile ndae una expect kuzi yebi kwa ma filo zile noma noma.Lakini kwa hisihi campo ni ma stiude wakonazo.Ndae kama Range Rover ni gari iko chini tu sana, Inasemekana ni gari ya pesa kidogo.Nashindwa ukiwa na ndae kama hiyo una du nini chuo.

Sunday, 16 November 2014

GOVA KUDEDI JU YA TEI,GEJ, WABA SHENG SLANG LATEST

Kuna karau/mbanga nifla alilazimishwa ku
take tot kinde na sita (16) za
makali
na azikunywe na dakika salasa.
Akiwa
kwa harakati ya kunywaku aka
lemewa na aka anza kumwaora. Na
hakuna venye msee mwingine
angemsaidia kunywaku. Hata wife
wa
kwake alikuwa hasapo lakini
hangemsaidia kunywaku juu ilikua
dare ya aina yake.

Sa vile boiz alianza kumwaora, wife alikuwa anataka kumuokolea lakini du. Hata
ma gova wenzake na wasee hu
serve kwa baesa hawange eza
kumwokolea, wacha hivyo, hata kumkaribia i-say.

SEE ALSO:

Sasa ikabaki mjamaa/m-guyz
amekamanyuria.
Doki anadaisha
boiz alikamanyuria juu ya kukata
waba kibao sana at once na mwili
haingeweza kuihandle, ilikuwa kundialalaa.....

Tunaingiza time ya mabash na
watu
kujibamba kwa mabaesa, mtaani
nini nini, tunaomba tu, ka huwezani na tei, temana tu nayo jo!

Sheng za Nairobi

By Toboa siri

Machizi wa nairobi na Githurai (Thika road Superhighway) Machizi NAIROBI na Thika Road

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Official Sheng za Nairobi Facebook page

Saturday, 15 November 2014

SHENG SLANG, SWAHILI WORDS, DICTIONARY, NAIROBI

So if you are ever in Nairobi,
there are certain words you
will hear people say. It is
nice to familiarize yourself
with them and maybe
surprise someone with your
basic sheng, here we go:
Greetings
All of the following words
mean ‘hello, how are you
doing?’
1. Niaje (knee-ah- jay).
2. Sasa. Pronounced as
it is.
3. Mambo.(ma-m-bow).
It could also be
something like
‘Mambo vipi’, which
is also acceptable.
4. Howayu- Pronounced
like ‘How are you’
without the spaces
in between the
three words.
People
1. Mother- Mathee
(ma-they), Mum,
matha (pronounced
like ‘mother’), old
lady. Use the words
‘mathee’ and ‘matha ‘
with caution as they
may be disrespectful
in some settings, if
you want to play
safe, then call her
‘Madam’.
2. Father- Buda
(pronounced as it
is), mbuyu (m-bu-
you), old man, mzae
(m-za-ay)
3. Sister- sis, mtasis(m-
ta-sis)
4. Brother- Bro, broda
(brow-da),
5. Grandmother- Shosh
(show-sh), mnyanye
(m-nya-nye). It is
worth noting that
the ‘nya’ sound is
similar to ‘ña’ in
spanish in the word
‘niña’.
6. Grandfather-
Grandpa, guka (gu-
ka).
7. Cousin- Cuzo (cuu-
zo)
8. Wife- wife
9. Husband- Huzzy
(Her-zi), Hubby.
10. Mistress/man you
are having an affair
with- Mpango wa
kando (m-pango wa
ka-ndo), in Kiswahili
it literally translates
to a side
arrangement.
Clande (clan-day)
11. Girl- Dem (dame),
mrembo (m-rem-
bore) or mresh,
sister, Chile (chil-ay)
and boys sometimes
call them mami.
12. Boy- Chali (Cha-lee),
Kijana (Key-jah-na)
Every day words you need to
know
1. Matatu- This is the
14 seater or 32
seater mini-van that
is used as public
transport in all parts
of the country. In
sheng, we call it
‘mat’ or
‘Nganya’ (nga-nya)
2. Beer/ Alchohol-
Pints, keroro (kay-
row-row), Gej
(gauge)
3. Leave- Bounce,
Twende (tu-ende, e
as in egg)
4. Money- Pesa, ganji
(gah-n-gee), doh
(dough), mapeni
(ma-pay-knee),
mkwanja (m-kwa-
njah).
5. You guy- It means
the same thing as
‘dude’ in
conversation.
6. Sawa (sa-wa)- It
means ok or cool. If
if you someone says
something you agree
with you respond by
saying ‘sawa’.
7. Beba beba!!- This is
a phrase used by
matatu conductors
when they are trying
to woo in passengers
into the vehicle, it
roughly translates to
‘get into the vehicle’
or ‘board the
vehicle’ but in
Kiswahili it literally
means ‘carry carry’.
8. Haiya (her-ee-ya). Its
a word used to
express surprise,
whether good or bad
e.g. ‘Haiya! You
bought a new car?’
9. Nini- Very widely
used by Kenyans. It
acts as a filler in
conversations.
Normally it refers to
a thing, and means
‘thing’ . It is used
to refer to
something whose
name you do not
know or cannot
immediately
remember. e.g. I
saw Mary wearing
that nini on her
head that looks like
a bow.
10. Nani- Just like the
above word, nani is
a filler in
conversations as
well. It refers to a
person whose name
you cannot
remember at that
moment or do not
know. e.g. I went to
nani’s place, Tom’s
friend, to get my
phone charger.
11. Mzungu (M-zu-ngu).
White person, simply
anyone who is white
regardless of where
they come from. The
exception is for
people of Chinese/
Korean/Japanese
descent who
are called;
12. Ching Chong.-
Because one day a
Kenyan was listening
to Chinese and
thought that
Chinese had a lot of
‘ching chong’ in it,
and because a lot of
us do not know how
to differentiate
between Chinese/
Korean/Japanese
people, all people
with slit eyes are
hence referred to as
‘Ching Chong’.(Sorry
for the cultural
insensitivity, was not
intended)
13. Maze (ma-zay) – this
is a tough one! It
roughly translates
‘man’ when used in
conversation. The
way Americans use
it, like when they
say ‘Man! this
burger tastes like
cardboard!’ . That is
exactly how we use
it, so if it was a
Kenyan speaking it
would be, ‘Maze!
this burger tastes
like cardboard!’
14. Eish! (ay-ish)- Its a
word used to
express surprise,
most likely a
pleasant surprise.
For example; ‘Eish!
You have a nice
dress!’.
15. Ati (ah-tee). This
word can mean
many things but the
most common
meanings are ‘what’
and ‘that’. For
example;
‘Ati?’ meaning ‘what?’.
Commonly used when
someone says something that
you didn’t hear or
understand.
‘Ati Hannah is pregnant?’-
Means, ‘That Hannah is
pregnant?’ . This statement
shows that you are shocked
that Hannah is pregnant.

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Thursday, 13 November 2014

THROW-BACK, HOW PHONE RINGTONES WERE MADE


Technology imetoka far over the years. Day yenye nangos ziliingia hasapa 254 bado iko fresh kwa raiya kadhaa hasapa na ilikua status symbol jamo ya vungu sana. Nangos zilikua zinakindwa bei ingine mwenda, mtu few sana ndio walikua wanawezana pekee. Usitake jua size ya hizi nangos ilikua aje pia..karibu mtu ashonee nangos bag ndio aweze kutembea nayo, si kaa these days.
Kuna vitu wathii hukaa hivi wanakumbuka alafu wanakiche vile tumemuka farthest. Ni nini unakumbuka kutoka hii enzi ama before?

Friday, 18 July 2014

KENYAN JOKES, FACTS ~ ALVINA GACHUGU

NIAJE WAZITO,

**********************
Have you Noticed?

1. If you suck one nipple, the
woman herself offers the other
one. And that was the origin of
"buy one get one free"!
2. Everything on a woman's upper
body starts with a "B". Blouse,
Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body
with a "P" Peticoat, panties,
pussy...No wonder men suffer
from high B P!
3. Before sex, you help each other
get naked. After sex, you dress
only yourself. Moral: In life no one
helps you once you're screwed.
4. Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but
nobody knows how many times
you got screwed to achieve it.
5. What is the difference between
frustration and satisfaction? What
the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
6. 3 people having sex is a
threesome, 2 is a twosome. So
next time someone calls you
'HANDSOME', don't take it as a
compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it
becomes hard for no reason.
8. Practical thought: A husband is
supposed to make his wife's
panties wet, not her eyes. A wife
is supposed to make her
husband's dick hard, not his
life..!
When a lady is pregnant, all her
friends touch her stomach and
say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch
the man's Penis and say "Well
done!".
Moral: Hard work is never
appreciated: Only result matters..

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Monday, 14 July 2014

When The Condom Breaks During Sex

There are times when in the heat of
the moment something goes wrong.
Sometimes the CD is too old or
damaged hence it breaks. Other
times it is not put on properly
which can cause a malfunction as
well. So if you find yourself in this
predicament, what do you do next?
When a CD breaks the partners
involved are at risk for HIV and
other STDs as well as pregnancy.
There are some responsible actions
that you can take to reduce your
risk of getting any of them.

HIV Prevention: The first thing
that both you and your partnern
should do when a CD breaks is go
pee and carefully wash your private
tools. Then you and your partner
should get tested and it should be
done as soon as possible and then
again after three months. You
should also ask the doctor for a
PEP (postexposure prophylaxis)
which is an HIV treatment for the
morning after an accident. It’s
expensive but worth it.
The treatment is taken over a
month and should be started right
away. They are still effective 72
hours after a c0ndom breaks but
are most effective when taken
immediately. The treatment does
have side effects such as extreme
fatigue and nausea.
Pregnancy Prevention : For the
ladies, the Plan B morning-after pill
is the most effective way to prevent
pregnancy after a CD break
accident. It is most effective when
taken right away but can be taken
up to 72 hours after. It is
recommended that you buy Plan B
before anything happens just so
that you have it on hand instead of
having to make time to go to a
pharmacy after an accident
happens. The side effects of Plan B
include abdominal pain, nausea,
fatigue, menstrual changes, and
headaches.
To prevent accidents from
happening in the first place make
sure that the CDs that you are using
are placed properly, and are not
expired or old. Preventing CD
breaks in the first place is your
first line of defense. Also don’t be
too rough during s*x.

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Police jokes 2014

Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Me: together
Police: where is ur house?
Me: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors
house?
Me: if i tell you u wont believe
me.
Police: tell me
Me: next to my house

image

Friday, 11 July 2014

Arme kudedi ju ya tei/ gej- VIA SHENG LANGUAGE

Kuna arme flani alilazimishwa ku
take tot kinde na sita (16) za makali
na azikunywe na dakika salasa. Akiwa
kwa harakati ya kunywaku aka
lemewa na aka anza kumwaora. Na
hakuna venye msee mwingine
angemsaidia kunywaku. Hata wife wa
kwake alikuwa hasapo lakini
hangemsaidia kunywaku juu ilikua
dare ya aina yake.
Sa vile boiz
alianza kumwaora, wife alikuwa
anataka kumsaidia lakini du. Hata
ma arme wenzake na wasee hu serve
kwa baesa hawange eza kumwokolea.
Sasa ikabaki mjamaa
amekamanyuria.
Doki anadaisha
boiz alikamanyuria juu ya kukata tei
mob sana at once na mwili
haingeweza kuihandle.

Tunaingiza time ya mabash na watu
kujibamba kwa mabaesa, mtaani nini
nini, tunaomba tu, ka huwezani na
tei, temana tu nayo jo!

image

Nigeria ikadungwa sasi na FIFA, SHENG 2014

image

Imebaki team za futa Nigeria
zimegeiwa sasi na FIFA baada yaku
chuja wasee wa Nigeria Football
Federation(NFF), na kureplace na
sole administrator. FIFA inadai
watachorea kuwakazi kwa shuguli za
futa once wamechagua executive
committee ya (NFF) yenye inafaa.
Kulingana na hii statement ilikuwa
inadaisha NFF haitaweza wakilisha
kwa mechi zozote zenye zitafanyika
regional, continental ama
international zikiaffect hadi level za
ma klabu na friendly matches.
Juu ya hii risto sasa team ya kidem
ya Nigeria under-20 haitaweza
wakilisha kwa Women World Cup
2014 husuko Canada na zitakuwa
zinaanza hapo 5 August 2014.
Kama Nigeria haita lift hiyo burn by
15 July then hawa madem hawata
weza kuwakilisha nchi yao.
Gava ya Nigeria inadaisha hii move
ilikuwa essential ili waweze
kuchagua wasee wanafaa kwa hizo
post za NFF, juu team ya Nigeria
imekuwa ikiperform viudu sana.
Tunacheki NFF President Aminu
Maigari alidandiwa na ma mbang’a
alipo dondoka ndege akitoka Brazil
baada ya kuchujwa kwa round 2 ya
FIFA World Cup 2014 husuko Brazil.
Ata hivyo Maigari alirudi aka
achiliwa baada ya maidhaa kiasi
kushinda rundema.
Kulingana na laws za FIFA gova
haifaikushugulika na shuguli zozote
za futa za kuchuja wasee wa local
body.

Thursday, 3 July 2014

Fan akagenya akicheki futaa

FIFA World Cup ikiwa inaendelea
mamambo nazo zinazidi
kulipuka. On sato, Brazil ikiwa
inagusa na Chile kwa raund ya last
16 kuna bazenga flani alikamanyuria
akiwa ana watch hiyo game. Husuyu
anadaisha alipatikana na heart
failure akiwa anayebi futa.
Husuyu bazenga alikuwa ana watchia
hii dimba kwa baesa yenye iko karibu
na Mineirao Stadium Horizonte
pahali hiyo game ilikuwa
inachezewa. Inasemekana ali
kamanyuria immediately ameland
hosi.Madoki wakadaisha jo!
kumekuwa na kesi mob sana . Health
Officials wanadai hii game ikiwa
inachezwa walikuwa wanatreat
karibu wasee 98, including mokoro
nifla wa miaka chwani. Alafu pia
pakakuwa na kijana flani alikuwa
ameumia mapuwa juu ya vita.
Game yenyewe iliisha 1-1 baadae
ikaenda hadi extra time but Brazil
wakatokelezea kama machampe,
baada ya kushinda through ma
pena . Inasemekana tona ya raund
this ndio imekuwa na casualties
wengi sana. Tunacheki risto ingine
ya huyu fan kutoka Brito alikatwa
maskio. Eti ali attackiwa after game
ya England na Uruguay June 19.
Alafu siku tano baadae huyu striker
wa Uruguay ku attack player wa Italy
Giorgio Chiellini.

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Sunday, 22 June 2014

SEE What Marya (Chokoza) does to please MEN.

Marya's tatoos
are a revelation of her new
personality
We all knew the church-girl-nature
of Marya of the Chokoza hit song.
Now you should meet the no-
nonsense gangsta Marya. She
unveiled to Pulse the new her in the
making, a persona that might be
surprising, even shocking, to many of
her fans. Currently, Moustapha’s ex-
girlfriend has acquired two tattoos,
one with a microphone on the left
hand side of her arm and a black
rose and her name on the right-
hand side.
‘The microphone means that music
is part of my life, I am here to stay,
and my fans should expect big
things” said the artiste. When Pulse
asked if the rose symbolised love,
she had this say:
“No, the black rose on my hand
symbolises the struggles I have
undergone in life, it’s a permanent
reminder”
Done in tattered -dark grey jeans,
black sleeveless top and a black
marvin cap, Marya has decided to
walk the talk in her dressing, the
gangsta style.
“My new look won’t change the kind
of music I have been doing, I am
just expressing my inner feelings
using tattoos and a new dress code”
said the artiste.
And hey, don’t get it twisted,
despite her gangsta nature, Marya is
a woman in love. The curvaceous
artiste is deeply in love with her
new secret boyfriend whom they
have been dating for several months
now. This was after breaking up with
rapper Mustapha, her long time
boyfriend and mentor into the music
industry. She had also been
rumoured to be dating a city
politician, a rumour she vehemently
denied.

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