EXPOSED!!!
CITIZEN TV: Hello, am i speaking to
Otiende Openda?
...
...
OTIENDE: In the event that u want
to secure my audience, Please
predecease the names Otiende
Openda with the prefix Engineer
...
CITIZEN TV: we received your SMS at
tazama chapa and we....
OTIENDE: Yes, I radiate an
apologetic tone for bombarding your
systems with an avalanche of
messages yester night. You see I left
the custody of my Samsung galaxy s3
phone to my 9 year old son so that
he could play with as he had
developed monotony to his toys. He
must have contacted u by error.
CITIZEN TV: By error?
OTIENDE: Yes. u see, he wanted to
re-united zack with his home country
(bring zack home) but didn’t know
the exact pay bill number so I told
him for the sake of probability, to
send SMSes to all pay bill numbers
he has ever seen being displayed on
my 64 inch Samsung flat screen that
also relays 3d images. u must have
been a beneficiary of his gesture
CITIZEN TV: we received your
messages nevertheless and are
pleased to inform u that u are our
winner this week
OTIENDE: actually it is my son who
has won, let me expose this dialogue
to him via a conference call so that
u can relay to him the good news
CITIZEN TV: No sir, we just wanted to
inform u that he has won 500,000
shillings and would like u and him
to come to our station n pick the
prize infront of the cameras
OTIENDE: I am withered with shock
CITIZEN TV: I know u must be too
happy
OTIENDE: I was jubilating until u
inserted the suffix 'shillings' vis-à-
vis 'dollars' after the digits. u want
to assemble me and my offspring
before the local TV's UHF and VHF
bandwidths and ask us to jubilate
profusely at 500,000 shillings?. are u
aware that such information can leak
into CNN or BBC and expose me to
international shame as my fellow
alumni’s from the university of Ohio
residing in the Diaspora may
recognize me and embed shame to
my occupation
CITIZEN TV: Excuse me sir but this
news would make anyone happy
OTIENDE: if u had called me to alert
me that mack zuckerberg is selling
all his shares to me. then the
muscles residing in close proximity
to my jaws would have relaxed to
depic happiness
CITIZEN TV: we still require u to
come to our offices so that we can
explain more details on how u will
receive your....
OTIENDE: Then dispatch a helicopter
to the coordinates of my dwelling to
phery me and my son to your
bearings, then promise to grant us
anonymity by hiding our faces when
we r receiving the cheque and
please please, so that people do not
recognize my name with ease, just
omit the prefix Engineer.
CITIZEN TV: We cannot do that sir
OTIENDE : Then i suggest that u
terminate this cellular dialogue
promptly b4 I sue u for diminishing
the voltage in my cellular gadget's
power plant (batteries) via this
misplaced dialogue.
CITIZEN TV: Hello, am i speaking to
Otiende Openda?
...
...
OTIENDE: In the event that u want
to secure my audience, Please
predecease the names Otiende
Openda with the prefix Engineer
...
CITIZEN TV: we received your SMS at
tazama chapa and we....
OTIENDE: Yes, I radiate an
apologetic tone for bombarding your
systems with an avalanche of
messages yester night. You see I left
the custody of my Samsung galaxy s3
phone to my 9 year old son so that
he could play with as he had
developed monotony to his toys. He
must have contacted u by error.
CITIZEN TV: By error?
OTIENDE: Yes. u see, he wanted to
re-united zack with his home country
(bring zack home) but didn’t know
the exact pay bill number so I told
him for the sake of probability, to
send SMSes to all pay bill numbers
he has ever seen being displayed on
my 64 inch Samsung flat screen that
also relays 3d images. u must have
been a beneficiary of his gesture
CITIZEN TV: we received your
messages nevertheless and are
pleased to inform u that u are our
winner this week
OTIENDE: actually it is my son who
has won, let me expose this dialogue
to him via a conference call so that
u can relay to him the good news
CITIZEN TV: No sir, we just wanted to
inform u that he has won 500,000
shillings and would like u and him
to come to our station n pick the
prize infront of the cameras
OTIENDE: I am withered with shock
CITIZEN TV: I know u must be too
happy
OTIENDE: I was jubilating until u
inserted the suffix 'shillings' vis-à-
vis 'dollars' after the digits. u want
to assemble me and my offspring
before the local TV's UHF and VHF
bandwidths and ask us to jubilate
profusely at 500,000 shillings?. are u
aware that such information can leak
into CNN or BBC and expose me to
international shame as my fellow
alumni’s from the university of Ohio
residing in the Diaspora may
recognize me and embed shame to
my occupation
CITIZEN TV: Excuse me sir but this
news would make anyone happy
OTIENDE: if u had called me to alert
me that mack zuckerberg is selling
all his shares to me. then the
muscles residing in close proximity
to my jaws would have relaxed to
depic happiness
CITIZEN TV: we still require u to
come to our offices so that we can
explain more details on how u will
receive your....
OTIENDE: Then dispatch a helicopter
to the coordinates of my dwelling to
phery me and my son to your
bearings, then promise to grant us
anonymity by hiding our faces when
we r receiving the cheque and
please please, so that people do not
recognize my name with ease, just
omit the prefix Engineer.
CITIZEN TV: We cannot do that sir
OTIENDE : Then i suggest that u
terminate this cellular dialogue
promptly b4 I sue u for diminishing
the voltage in my cellular gadget's
power plant (batteries) via this
misplaced dialogue.
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