KBL to introduce a low-priced brand in the market, to counter illicit brews.

Kenya: Battle for a share of the low- end alcohol market is set to go a notch higher. This follows plan by Kenya Breweries Limited (KBL) to introduce a low-priced brand in the market, to counter illicit brews. While there is a ban on spirits sold in sachets, most of these brands have surfaced in rural areas where business is booming.

Nairobi’s newest socialite Corazon Kwamboka is not keen on covering those curves

Following a few weeks of silence, she has unleashed a new set of pictures, which many would say are a little more decent that her previous ones

ken wa maria proposes to lupita

Ken wa Maria has released a new song dubbed Lupita Nyong’o in which he proposes marriage to the Oscar award winning actress. In the song, Ken wa Maria promises to take Lupita to his home in Matuu and together they will bring forth many

Who would resist arest?

A certain police woman on Kiambu road has caught the public eye, not sure whether its for a good or bad reason. The officer in question has her photos making rounds on the internet thanks to her tight skirt.

hurchil becomes kenyas first individual to hit 1m facebook likes

Daniel Ndambuki, better known as Churchill, yesterday became the first Kenyan individual to reach 1 million likes on Facebook.

Tuesday 16 December 2014

UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE PAYMENTS, UCL MONEY AWARDS

Uefa champions league is one and among many, the most favourite football game that people all over the world like watching.
Amidst qualifying, after the play-offs, the football teams start earning money.
With our analysis concerning the champions league for the season 2014-2015, this are the analysis from our research that we managed to compile.

These guyz make alot of money for sure. Just see for yourself:-

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE PRIZE MONEY
2015
1 Play offs....€2,100,000
2 Base fee for grp stages...€8,600
,000
3 Group match victory....€1,0
00,000
4 Group match draw....€500,000
5 Round of 16....€3,500,000
6 Quater finals....€3,900,000
7 Semi finals....€4,900,000
8 Losing finalist....€6,500,000
9 Winning final...€10,500,000

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Thursday 4 December 2014

EBOLA IN KIAMBU KENYA

Panic gripped Kirigiti Village in
Kiambu after a woman with Ebola-
like symptoms died on Wednesday
evening.
The woman, who lived in a rented
house, is reported to have started
vomiting blood and bleeding from
the nose earlier in the day.
“She called me and requested me
to rush her to the hospital. She
was coughing, vomiting blood and
bleeding from the nostrils, which
really caused panic,” said
Josephine Wanjiku, a neighbour.
She collapsed at the bus terminus,
where she had walked to catch a
matatu to Kiambu District Hospital
for treatment.
Because the woman had symptoms
almost similar to those of the
deadly Ebola virus disease (EVD),
no one, including the police and
the chiefs, were willing to go near
her.
“She died as people watched her
helplessly from a distance because
they did not want to get any
contact with her for fear of
contracting the ailment,” a witness,
Joseph Kamau, said.

NOT EBOLA
But Kiambu Hospital medical
superintendent Dr John Kariuki
said there was no cause for alarm,
saying the woman was not
suffering from Ebola.

Dr Kariuki said initial tests
established that she was suffering
from a haemorrhagic fever whose
symptoms are almost similar to
those of Ebola.
“There is no need for panic
because based on the initial tests,
it has been established that she is
not suffering from Ebola but
medics are carrying out more tests
to clear everything,” he said.
The doctor also said the
investigations also revealed that
the woman have not travelled to
outside country lately.
According to the World Health
Organization (WHO), haemorrhagic
fever is a general term for a
severe illness, sometimes
associated with bleeding, that may
be caused by a number of viruses.
The body was moved to the
Kenyatta National Hospital
mortuary.
Several incidents of people
developing or dying of symptoms
similar to those of Ebola have
occurred in Kenya, but after
medical investigations, the victims
were found to be free of the
deadly ailment.
In August, WHO classified Kenya
as a "high-risk" country for the
spread of Ebola because it is a
major transport hub, with many
flights from West Africa.
However, no case of Ebola has
been reported in Kenya since the
outbreak of the disease, which has
killed more than 6,000 people in
three West Africa countries, and
the government has maintained
the country is well equipped to
handle any Ebola case that may
arise.

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Thursday 27 November 2014

ADOPTION OF CHILDREN BANNED IN KENYA, MUJIPANGE KUZAA

The government of kenya has banned the
adoption of Kenyan children by
immigrants into the country.
This comes after a decision was arrived at during
a cabinet meeting chaired by
President Uhuru Kenyatta in
Nairobi Thursday.
Licences of those involved in inter-
country adoptions were revoked
with immediate effect.
“The decision has been informed
by Kenya’s ranking by the Global
Report on Trafficking in Persons
2014 that cited Kenya as a source,
transit and destination country in
human trafficking,” said a Cabinet
memo sent to newsrooms.
The country is also ranked at Tier
2 Watchlist for non-compliance
with minimum standards for
elimination of trafficking, based on
the 2014 US State Department
report on trafficking in persons.
“Currently, Kenyan laws do not
define child sale, child procuring,
child trade and child laundering as
part of trafficking,” said the
memo.
The Cabinet said this had in effect
put Kenyan children at high risk.
CHILDRENS HOMES
“This has created a loophole for
fraudulent vested interests,
masquerading through ownership
of children homes, adoption
agencies and legal firms
representing children, and
adopters, to engage in the
unscrupulous business of human
trafficking under the guise of
charity,” the Cabinet said.
A report released in August by a
child rights organisation Cradle
indicates that children as young as
two were victims of trafficking for
illegal adoption.
However, according to the
organisation, prosecution of
culprits has remained elusive since
investigations were not being
conducted by the relevant state
agencies.
A 19-year-old missionary from
Oklahoma was recently charged in
a US court for sexually abusing
children in an orphanage in
Nairobi.
Meanwhile the government is
considering allocating additional
funds to Uwezo Fund in the next
financial year to be able to
accommodate the huge number of
interested youth and women.

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UHURU SHOULD STEP DOWN, CORD EFFECT COMING SOON. [FULL STORY]

Cord leaders Thursday challenged
President Uhuru Kenyatta to
resign over rising insecurity a
day after he told the public to
play a bigger role in fighting
crime.
During yesterday’s prayer service
for Homa Bay Senator Otieno
Kajwang’ in Kisumu, the Cord
politicians led by Mr Raila
Odinga said the Jubileee
Coalition had failed to provide
security leading to death of
innocent Kenyans.
The cited the recent Mandera
attacks in which 28 people were
shot dead by terrorists as well as
earlier killings in Mpeketoni,
Kapedo and the Westgate Mall
as, all of which have claimed
over 170 lives.
Speaking at the Jomo Kenyatta
Sports Grounds, Siaya Senator
James Orengo said Mr Kajwang’s
death should be a wake up call
to the President to match his
words on improving security
with action.
“Kajwang’s last message while
debating in the Senate was
firmly telling the Jubilee
government to put their house in
order to avert the security
menace,” Mr Orengo told the
large gathering that had turned
up to pay their last respects to
the senator who died of a heart
attack on Tuesday.
Machakos Senator Johnson
Muthama asked the Jubilee
government to surrender power
to Cord to avert an escalation of
insecurity.
“Jubilee has failed the country
and President Uhuru Kenyatta
must surrender or else they will
be responsible for the innocent
blood,” he said.
Suba MP John Mbadi accused the
Jubilee government of
hoodwinking Kenyans on security
matters.
“The President should stop
playing public relations at the
expense of the security of
Kenyans. He should realise that
people are dying,” Mr Mbadi
said.
His Suna counterpart Junet
Mohamed called for the
resignation of President Kenyatta
saying his leadership was an
example of a failed government.
“It is time President Kenyatta
realised that the lives of over 40
million Kenyans are at stake.
Time is ripe that Kenyans send
the Jubilee government packing,”
he said.
A visibly emotional Mr Odinga,
who arrived at the venue in a
helicopter, led the roaring crowd
in chanting “Jowi, Jowi (hero)” to
symbolise Kajwang’s bravery.
SENSITIVE ISSUES
He thanked the government for
the assistance towards the
senator’s burial and said ODM
was ready to help on sensitive
issues facing the country like
insecurity. Kajwang’s body was
flown to Kisumu in a police
aircraft.
Mr Odinga also used the occasion
to warn ODM rebels to either toe
the party line or resign.
“We had warned them before
that they either shape up or ship
out. The choice is now theirs,” he
said.
In his eulogy, Mr Odinga said:
“Mr Kajwang’s death has dealt
ODM and Nyanza region a big
blow, something that we are yet
to comprehend.”
He said Mr Kajwang’ never shied
away from enforcing discipline
against errant party members.
Before the ODM leader arrived at
the venue, there had been a
security scare at the main dais
when hundreds of youths surged
forward as the hearse carrying
Kajwang’s body arrived. This
compelled the bodyguards of
various dignitaries on the dais to
take strategic positions.

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UHURU KENYATTA PULLS STAND AGAINST HATERS, ELECTIONS 2017

President Kenyatta Wednesday told
Kenyans to stop blaming his
government alone for rising
insecurity and play their role in
securing the country.
He was appearing in public for the
first since returning from a four-
day visit to the Middle East. While
he was away, 28 people, mainly
teachers, were executed by Al-
Shabaab, the Somali militant
group, in Mandera County.
“No matter how much we do,
there will never be one policeman
for everyone, and unless we work
together with the security forces,
the responsibility lies on me and
you,” a tough talking President
told a gathering at the University
of Nairobi grounds where he
launched the “HeForShe” campaign
on gender equality.

The launch also marked the start
of the annual 16 days of activities
to speak out against gender
violence, which is a global
campaign.
Mr Kenyatta’s government has
been criticised by Parliament, the
Opposition and the public in
general over its handling of
security.
Frequent attacks by Al Shabaab
and an increasingly violent
insurgency by its radical
supporters, especially at the Coast,
has all but shut down Kenyan
beach tourism.
The President’s absence during the
Saturday attack and his decision
not to cut short his visit have been
particularly unpopular.
State House said Mr Kenyatta held
bilateral talks with King Abdullah
of Jordan on terrorism in Abu
Dhabi. Apparently, according to the
statement published on Facebook,
Jordan is “a leading player in
efforts to secure peace in the
Middle East” and has expertise in
dealing with “emerging terrorism
threats”.
The President also held talks with
Sheikh Makhtoum, the ruler of
Dubai among others.
The big event in the UAE at the
weekend was the 2014 F1 Grand
Prix in Abu Dhabi, attended by
wealthy motorsport enthusiasts,
mainly from the Middle East,
Eastern Europe and Africa.
Also launched yesterday was a
policy manual on how to prevent
and respond to gender violence.
The President was accompanied by
First Lady Margaret to the event
also attended by Planning and
Devolution Cabinet secretary Anne
Waiguru and MP Cecily Mbarire,
who is the chairperson of Kenyan
Women Parliamentary Association
among others.
Earlier, the President met the
security chiefs at State House.

COMMENTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA
He said while out of the country
he followed the public’s comments
on social media. The comments
have not been flattering with
many demanding that he takes
responsibility for escalating
insecurity.
Leaders have also been demanding
the sacking of the President’s
security aides, especially Interior
Cabinet Secretary Joseph ole Lenku
and the Inspector General of
Police, Mr David Kimaiyo.
There was some level of
expectation that on his return, the
President would signal some firm
new direction to reassure the
country in view of demands by
civil servants to be evacuated from
Mandera.
Apart from frequent terrorist
attacks and the clashes at the
Coast, a general sense of insecurity
has persisted since September last
year when Al Shabaab killed 67
shoppers at the Westgate Mall in
Nairobi.
“I agree that our security must do
more to protect people and as a
government we have worked to
ensure we equip them well and
provide them with vehicles. We
have also looked at their welfare
and we shall do more to ensure
that there is enough security for
our citizens,” Mr Kenyatta said.
He cited several incidents during
which people have watched others
commit a crime yet they did
nothing to prevent the attacks.
One of these incidents was the
stripping of a woman in the streets
of Nairobi by touts, which
provoked outrage and a street
protest by women.
“People watched and did nothing.
Others were taking videos of what
was happening. What did they do
to help the lady? What is your
responsibility as citizens?” he
asked.
He also accused some people of
using their places of worship to
incite their faithful against people
who do not profess their religion.
“I addressed an open meeting and
leaders were asking me to forgive
the raiders since they had
mistaken the police for Turkana
raiders,” he said and wondered:
“To them it is right to kill a
Turkana!
“These leaders are the first to
blame the Government and they
say such things in front of me.”
In an apparent reference to the
Mandera attack, he warned that
action will taken against police
officers found culpable for security
lapses.
“We have worked to ensure we
equip you and look after your
welfare and provide you with
vehicles, so you should also provide
security for the citizens,” he said.

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Tuesday 25 November 2014

FORMAL NAMES' LIST OF THE MANDERA AL-SHABAAB ATTACK DEATH

Following the recent al-shabaab attacks in mandera county, the death toll hit 28 persons and this is the list of names of those who perished on the massacre day, 22nd of November
2014,

1.Timothy Wafula – Teacher
2. Nephine Muliro – Teacher
3. Mary Kilonzi – Teacher
4. Dennis Biesi Nyankemba –
Teacher
5. Kennedy Kiraitu – Teacher
6. Philomena Muthiani –
Teacher
7. Alex Makori – Teacher
8. Eric Omwenga – Teacher
9. Mildred Khasian – Teacher
10. Beatrice Atieno – Wife of a
police
officer.
11. Kennedy Atieno – Police
officer.
12 Eric Masara – Teacher
13. Fridah Kathambi
14. Winfred Karimi
15. Dominique Omae.
16. Douglas Diganze
17. Janet Mukoya
18. Violet Moranga
19. Eric Sesaka
20. Patrick Ouko
21. Peterson Mugendi
22. Geofrey Mutembi
23. Milicent Gesare
24. Jackson Kipchirchir.
25. Geoffrey Muriithi
26. Hilary Lusaka
27. Maurice Kilonzo.

We humbly pray that their souls
may rest in Eternally Peace, and in the glory of the almighty God. In Peace
and may the Almighty God
offer physical, mental,
psychological strength to the
bereaved friends, families and
relatives.

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FORMAL NAMES' LIST OF THE MANDERA AL-SHABAAB ATTACK DEATH

Following the recent al-shabaab attacks in mandera county, the death toll hit 28 persons and this is the list of names of those who perished on the massacre day, 22nd of November
2014,

1.Timothy Wafula – Teacher
2. Nephine Muliro – Teacher
3. Mary Kilonzi – Teacher
4. Dennis Biesi Nyankemba –
Teacher
5. Kennedy Kiraitu – Teacher
6. Philomena Muthiani –
Teacher
7. Alex Makori – Teacher
8. Eric Omwenga – Teacher
9. Mildred Khasian – Teacher
10. Beatrice Atieno – Wife of a
police
officer.
11. Kennedy Atieno – Police
officer.
12 Eric Masara – Teacher
13. Fridah Kathambi
14. Winfred Karimi
15. Dominique Omae.
16. Douglas Diganze
17. Janet Mukoya
18. Violet Moranga
19. Eric Sesaka
20. Patrick Ouko
21. Peterson Mugendi
22. Geofrey Mutembi
23. Milicent Gesare
24. Jackson Kipchirchir.
25. Geoffrey Muriithi
26. Hilary Lusaka
27. Maurice Kilonzo.

We humbly pray that their souls
may rest in Eternally Peace, and in the glory of the almighty God. In Peace
and may the Almighty God
offer physical, mental,
psychological strength to the
bereaved friends, families and
relatives.

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Monday 24 November 2014

POWERFUL WITCHDOCTOR SAYS OTIENO KAJWANG' WILL RESURRECT SOON!! RAILA TO DIE

A 'powerfuL' witchdoctor
from Homa Bay County
has shocked residents
of Mbita Constituency by
claiming that the late
Homa Bay Senator, Otieno Kajwang,
who
passed away on
Tuesday night as a
result of heart attack, is
not really dead. The witchdoctor, who
is
said to have come out of
a forest in Mbita,
chanting and ululating in
a strange language that
nobody understood, said the gods
from Luo
Nyanza had not granted
Kajwang’s wish to die
and therefore he will
live again. Addressing a huge
crowd in the remote
Mbita Village, the
witchdoctor, who also
happens to come from
the same Omolo clan as Raila
Odinga, told Luos
not to despair about the
alleged death of Otieno
Kajwang because all
was well - he will live
again. He noted that the gods
showed him a vision in
which Otieno Kajwang
was addressing a huge
political rally
accompanied by Raila Odinga in
which, he sang
his famous mapambano
hit song two weeks
from now and he can
only do so either
physically or in spirit. He told the
doctors to
hold on to their findings
about the cause of
Kajwang’s alleged death
a little longer because a
big surprise that will shock the
entire
country is coming.

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Al Shabaab full statement refuting claims GOK killed 100 of it's operatives

STATEMENT FROM
AL SHABAAB

We have seen the
absurd claim by
the Kenyan
authorities that
they killed our
Mujahideen who
carried out the
Mandera attack, a
totally baseless
and unfounded
claim.
We confirm that
our heroic
Mujahideen are
safe and didn't
face any attack
whatsoever after
the successful
operation they
carried out by the
grace of Allah.
Claims like these
are only spewed
by the Kenyan
authorities to
cover up their
failure to secure
the safety of their
people and in an
attempt to douse
the raging anger
of the Kenyan
public, after the
severe blow the
Mujahideen
delievered to
them.

Sheikh AbdiAziz
Abu Mus'ab, HSM
Military Spokesman

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Sunday 23 November 2014

BURDEN OF BEING A MAN !!

1. LUO MAN
has four wives,four galfrends.but
loves his neighbours wife the most.

2.KIKUYU MAN
one wife,one galfrend.but loves his
galfrend the most

3.KALENJIN MAN
has one wife,one galfrend.but loves
his wife the most

4.TESO MAN
has one wife,one galfrend. but loves
his house maid the most.

5.LUHYA MAN
two wives,two galfrends.but loves his
wives' sisters the most.

6.KAMBA MAN
one,two,three wives.several
galfrends.loves the barmaid the most

7.KISII/MERU MAN
one wife, many galfrends.he will beat
all of them.

8.MAASAI MAN
two wives,one galfrend.he will love
his cows the most.

9.SOMALI MAN
four wives, no galfrend.loves his
miraa the most.

true or false?

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Saturday 22 November 2014

West bromwich Claudio Yacob red card, Argentina midfielder. Diego costa, hazard score, chelsea 2-0 westbrom

West bromwich player Claudio Yacob gets issued with a RED CARD.  Claudio Yacob was sent off for West Brom after a two-footed challenge against Chelsea striker Diego Costa.

image

Score updates read as:==> Chelsea 2-0 WBA (29 mins)

image



.
By Rechity news

‘al Shabaab’ blamed for murder of 28 Mandera bus passengers



MANDERA (Xinhua) -- Suspected ‘al Shabaab’ militants attacked a public passenger bus in Mandera, northern Kenya, early Saturday, killing 28 people and injured several others, government official and police confirmed.

Mandera East Deputy County Commissioner, Elvis Korir, said initial reports indicate that a team of more than 100 armed gunmen stopped the Nairobi-bound bus and ordered everyone out at around 5:30 a.m. local time.

    "We are told the 100 armed men stopped the bus just after it left Arabia area and all the passengers were asked to come down and divided into two groups of Somalis and non Somali," Korir told Xinhua, adding that the non Somali group was sprayed with bullets.

    "We are also told more than 28 have been killed and many others injured, but we are yet to know the exact circumstances, but we are planning to dispatch a team of security personnel to the scene," the government official said.

Mandera County Police Commander Noah Mvivanda said initial reports indicate the attackers were ‘al Shabaab’ from neighboring Somalia.

He said the attack occurred at a place near the Kenya-Somalia border.

    Mvivanda said the armed militia asked everyone on board to recite the Islamic doctrine and those who failed were shot dead.

    "We have talked to two young ladies who managed to escape the tragedy and they said four police officers were among the dead, but we are yet to confirm," said Mvivanda.

The police commander said an aerial surveillance will be conducted over the area before security teams leave for rescue, given the fact that a similar attack late last year at the area was used as a trap in which eight police officers were killed.

Since Kenya sent troops across the border into Somalia in 2011, northern and parts of eastern Kenya have been hit by a series of blasts, with many targeting local security forces and humanitarian workers.
.

    One dies, another injured in grenade, gun attacks in Northern Kenya

WAJIR (Xinhua) -- One person has died while another was seriously injured in gun and grenade attacks in Wajir town in northern Kenya, government official confirmed on Friday.

Wajir County Commissioner David Rotich said lab technician Evas Mutunga, who was seriously injured in the stomach, died on his way to Nairobi where he was being airlifted for specialized treatment following attacks in the remote town on Wednesday night.
.

    "He had serious gun shot wounds in his stomach and was bleeding so much which made it difficult for the doctors to save his life. He had sustained four gun shots on the chest and shoulder," Rotich told Xinhua on Friday.

He said the second victim identified as Kangethe Ronald who was also injured in the incident was responding well to treatment.

During the Wednesday incident, unknown assailants who were said to be two in number opened fire indiscriminately at a local market in Wajir town and in the process injuring one person.

They then proceeded to the old mosque which is situated a few meters from the market where they again opened fire arbitrarily and injured another person.
         

WAJIR (Xinhua) -- Reserve fuel tank that was targeted by gunmen in Wajir, northeastern Kenya. At least one person was killed and another seriously injured in separate gun and grenade attacks during the incident. XINHUA PHOTO - INGATI STEPHEN



.
Moments later they hurled a hand grenade at the Wajir Kenya Power fueling tank.  The grenade did not, however, hit their intended target as exploded a few meters from the machine.

    Rotich said that the government would not rest until it gets the criminals.

    "It appears the assailants were targeting to blow up the fuel tank at the Kenya Power plant in order to plunge the town into darkness," Rotich said.

    "Fortunately the explosion did not cause much damage," and no one was injured in this attack.

    "No arrest has been made in connection with any of the incidents, he said.

The government administrator warned that they will not allow criminals to disrupt peace and tranquility which was returning to the remote town after attacks witnessed last year.

    "They can run but they cannot hide," said Rotich.

    This is the second time in less than three months that Kenya Power plant is being attacked.

Wajir town had enjoyed relative calm until the Wednesday night incident with no major incident reported.

Northern Kenya has bore the brunt of grenade and gun attacks in the last three years since Kenya sent its troops to Somalia to fight the ‘al Shabaab’ militia group.

Friday 21 November 2014

MADEM, HEBU CHOPINI HII TAFASALI...!!

DEAR LADIES! IF YOUR BOYFIE IS A
JALUO...NEVER LET HIM ANSWER
YOUR
PHONE ON YOUR BEHALF NO MATTER
THE
CIRCUMSTANCES*
ONYANGO: Njeri, your cellular gadget
has
intercepted some electromagnetic
waves
and is currently summoning your
attention
NJERI: Ati?
ONYANGO: Simu yako kwisalia. Mtu
anapigia wewe sahu
NJERI: Bado niko kwa shower sweety,
please receive it for me
ONYANGO: Hallo….
CALLER: Njeri..eh, weko? Ne
mwigithania ne
ikomi na emwe
ONYANGO: Your lingual is foreign to
my
cochlea. Please utter alphabets in a
universal manner so that I can derive
sense from this dialogue
CALLER: Kwani Njeri yuko wapi?
ONYANGO: Njeri is currently
interacting
with a hot shower in my master
bedroom
that is located at the artic section of
my
bungalow. She cannot commence
dialogue
with you as her phone is not water
proof
like the one I own which can receive
calls
even while am submerged in my
marbled
jaccuzi
CALLER: Wewe ni nani?
ONYANGO: Yawaa do you have air-
time of
2,000 shillings and above? Any
airtime
below that amount is not enough to
permit me to finish explaining to you
who
I am via the phone as my accolades
are too
numerous. But to comprehend me
better,
visit any booksop near you and
purchase a
book titled “Knowing Professor
Onyango,
the individual with PHDs whose
number
exceeds the mythical lives of a cat”..I
authored it when I came back from
the
diaspora in the previous year
CALLER: Nauliza wewe ni nani kwa
Njeri?
ONYANGO: I am the individual whom
Njeri
surrenders to her fauna in absentia
of
clothing…..
CALLER: Ati umesema nini?
ONYANGO: Yes, I am the individual
who
relays copulative sensations to Njeri’s
pelvic areas
CALLER: Auwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, ati
umesema nini?
ONYANGO: I am the individual who
exposes Njeri’s lower limbs to mirror
an
obtuse angle, yawaaa. Mimi ndio
boyfriend
yake jowaa. And who are you?
CALLER: Ngai fafa….. umeharibu
mtoto
wangu. Mimi ni mamake Njeri….
ONYANGO: Ohh, I was talking to my
designated mother-in-law, yawaa.
Please
ooze pardon towards my manners
madam
and permit me to introduce myself
properly…. I am the homo-sapien
currently
in pursuit of your daughters’
genitalias
with an aim of detaining her
matrimonially....

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Thursday 20 November 2014

KENYATTA UNIVERSITY STUDENT DARES HIS LIFE FOR HIS LOVERBIRD CATCH!

With the growing numbers of universities in kenya, the intake for both male and female students has risen to upto 40% in each and every semester.
In higher education set up, relationships are a no doubt because there is no regulations as were in high schools. The freedom and peer pressure divert majority of the students into ambiguous activities like raving, drinking, smoking, chewing mitaa or mogoka and other many activities that make them backslide.
Nevertheless, after getting into hookups with fellow gurus of high school, many end up in relationship disagreement closets and get stressed up as others manage to move on.
One of the Kenyatta university students happened to send us his photo with unhandlable love and relationship drama, wanting to commit suicide. This is what he wrote to us via Inbox.
 
"I'm heartbroken why is my girl friend
always jogging 4 times in the hockey
pitch? Is she training to run away
from the relationship? She must stop
or else.....

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Wednesday 19 November 2014

GERALD OTIENO KAJWANG' PROFILE, HISTORY, HOMA BAY SENATOR, MBITA, BY-ELECTIONS

Gerald Otieno Kajwang'

Otieno Kajwang was a Member of the Kenyan Senate since 28 March 2013 till 19 November 2014
His home Constituency was Homa Bay County in nyanza province.

He served as thr Minister of State for
Immigration and Registration of
Persons for a very short period but with good performance before a cabinet reshuffle was done.

He served in office from the yrar 2008 until the year 2013, in the reign of President Mwai kibaki.

President Mwai Kibaki Member of the Kenyan Parliament In office
1998–2013 Constituency Mbita

Personal details
Born 15 July 1956
Nationality: Kenya
Died 18 November 2014 (aged 58)
Kenyan Political party: ODM

Spouse(s): Rose
Relations: Brother to MP TJ Kajwang
Makerere University (LLB )

Kenya School of Law
Profession: Lawyer
Religion: Christianity
Website: www.otienokajwang.co.ke

Gerald Otieno Kajwang (15 July
1956 – 18 November 2014) was a
Kenyan politician. He belonged to
the Orange Democratic Movement
and had been elected to represent
the Mbita Constituency in the
National Assembly of Kenya since
the Kenyan parliamentary election,
2007.
In the bitterly contested 2013 elections, Otieno Kajwang
was elected to represent Homa Bay
county as a senator.
Senator Kajwang died on 19
November 2014 at Mater hospital
after suffering cardiac arrest.
He was the brother to Ruaraka MP,
Tom Joseph Kajwang’.

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GERALD OTIENO KAJWANG' PASSES ON.. HOMA-BAY SENATOR DIES, MBITA, MATER HOSPITAL, CARDIAC ARREST

19th November, 2014 - Senator
Otieno Kajwang is dead.
The CORD Senator, who is a
prolific orator and a champion of
bado mapambano, suffered a heart
attack at his home and was
rushed to The Mater Hospital in
Nairobi’s South B area where he
unfortunately lost his life.
We will give you more details as
we gather them but for now, we
send our deepest condolences to
the family, friends, relatives,
Homa Bay people and the whole
country.

May his soul rest in peace.

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ERIC OMONDI FACEBOOK PAGE HACKED!!

Sometimes last week, top comedian
Eric Omondi reported that his
Facebook page with more than 500,
000 likes had been hacked by an
unknown person who was posting
weird message.
Speaking to VibeWeekly , the
sensational comedian said that he
was able to regain control of the
page after parting with some cash.
“The guy who took it got in touch
and demanded for money and i
paid up”.
Eric was unwilling to disclose how
much he had to part with, but we
can assume it was a generous sum.
The page is very instrumental as it
is his marketing and branding tool.
Definitely he’ll be more careful
next time before typing that
password.

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HOW JUBILEE RIGGED ELECTIONS, U

The Jubilee Coalition colluded with
corrupt election officials to print
extra ballot papers that were used
to rig the 2013 presidential
election, the Coalition for Reforms
and Democracy has claimed.
Cord leader Raila Odinga on
Tuesday said the extra ballot
papers were printed by Smith &
Ouzman, a British firm, and
smuggled into Kenya days before
the March 2013 elections.
“Extra ballot papers were printed
and transported to Kenya through
Geneva, Switzerland, and even the
NIS was aware of this. I can
produce a person who was in
Geneva and saw all this,” Mr
Odinga said at a news conference
in Nairobi.
The smuggled ballot papers were
taken to “Jubilee areas”, according
to the Cord leader, who was
accompanied by co-principal
Kalonzo Musyoka and Moses
Wetang’ula.
“They were the ones which some
of our MPs found being counted at
Kenyatta University.”
Mr Odinga made the claims in the
wake of reports from a UK court
that Kenyan election officials
received millions of shillings in
bribes from the British company
over a two-year period.
UK prosecutors have filed in court
papers accusing senior election
officials of corruption, including
Independent Electoral and
Boundaries Commission (IEBC)
chairman Ahmed Issack Hassan,
former chief executive James
Oswago, former official Davis
Chirchir (Energy Cabinet
Secretary) and former deputy chief
executive of the IEBC’s
predecessor, the Interim
Independent Electoral Commission,
Mrs Gladys Shollei.
The allegations, made in the
prosecution of Smith & Ouzman
Ltd and four of its directors for
corruption at the Southwark
Crown court relate to the Interim
Independent Electoral Commission
and are alleged to have occured
between 2009 and 2010.
DEMANDED RESIGNATION
Mr Odinga demanded the
immediate resignation, arrest and
prosecution of Mr Hassan, Mr
Chirchir, Mrs Shollei and current
and former IIEC and IEBC officials
linked to the fraud allegations.
He said Cord’s 900-page evidence
that was rejected by the Supreme
Court, where he had challenged
the 2013 presidential election
results, contained evidence
showing that extra ballot papers
were printed and smuggled into
the country to help Jubilee steal
the election.
“Of concern beyond the corruption
allegations is that Smith &
Ouzman, apart from giving bribes
to the Kenyan election officials,
also printed additional ballot
papers for Jubilee, which were
used to rig the 2013 presidential
elections,” Mr Odinga said.
Mrs Shollei, who was sacked as
Judiciary registrar on claims of
corruption, had presided over the
scrutiny of the IEBC tallying of
votes on behalf of the Supreme
Court in the 2013 election petition,
he said.
“Before joining the Judiciary, she
was an official at IEBC and is
implicated in the corruption,” Mr
Odinga said.
He accused Mr Chirchir of
representing the Jubilee Coalition
in the scrutiny of votes at the
Supreme Court despite his alleged
role in the corrupt dealings at the
IIEC.
“What is being adduced in court in
London points to a serous, baffling
and shameful integrity and
credibility gap on the part of these
present and former officers and an
indictment of the Jubilee regime.
“It cannot be that Jubilee does not
know what these officers did.”

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Tuesday 18 November 2014

ARSENAL VS MANCHESTER UNITED 2014|2015, INJURIES, ANALYSIS, SCORERS, CARDS

The EPL (English premier league courtesy of Barclay's) football match between Arsenal fc and Manchester united fc is back again for the season 2014/2015 first league.

THE ARSENAL CURRENTLY INJURED
PLAYERS LIST.
1. David Ospina - Thigh
Injury
2.Mathieu Debuchy - Ankle
3.Laurent Koscielny - Achilles
4.Abou Diaby - Calf Strain
5.Mikel Arteta -
Hamstring.

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MANCHESTER UNITED
CURRENTLY INJURED PLAYERS LIST.
1.David De Gea - Finger
2.Jesse Lingard - Knee
3.Rafael - Muscular
4.Marcos Rojo - Dislocated Shoulder
5.John Evans - Ankle/Foot
6.Phil Jones - Ankle/Foot
7. Daley Blind - Knee
8.Micheal Carrick - Groin/Pelvis
9.Ashley young - Groin/Pelvis
9+1. Radamel Falcao.
WHATS YOUR
PREDICTIONS 4 THIS MATCH....??

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Monday 17 November 2014

MABABI KUWAKILISHA NA U-SOURCE , WAAAAH !!

Nahusko Dubz kuna campo nifla ina julikana kama American University of Dubai. Hiyo chuo majority ya mastiude wako miaka ka 24/25,lakini jo!uki yebi parking lot unaweza chizi. Zile mandae ziko parking uta get ndae kama Rolls-Royce,Ferrari, Aston Martin na akina Bently.Hizi ni zile ndae una expect kuzi yebi kwa ma filo zile noma noma.Lakini kwa hisihi campo ni ma stiude wakonazo.Ndae kama Range Rover ni gari iko chini tu sana, Inasemekana ni gari ya pesa kidogo.Nashindwa ukiwa na ndae kama hiyo una du nini chuo.

UTAMU WA MAPENZI, KUDINYANA RELOADED!!

Ata kama ni hatespeech leo nataka
kusema yote na sijali kama ni
mchana nataka kuongelea stori ya
bedrum sai!!
SEX. watu wengi ucheat wakiwa kwa
relationships mpaka unashindwa ni
sex hapewi ama ni nini mbaya.
madame husema pussy ni pussy zote
zina taste same. sawa nimekubali
zote ni same tafauti ni venye
mnapeana. sasa ukilala kama bata
umekuja uso nikama umekosewa
unadhania kuna mwanaume atarudi
hapo tena? yet kuna madame
uchangia kwa hii mchezo mpaka
majirani wanaamka styles kama zote
miguu anafungua bila ubaguzi.
wanaume pia nyinyi msiseme dick ni
dick tu. sawa ni dick lakini venye
unaitumia ina matter sana ukipewa
mali relax usikue na haraka.

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Kumwaga afta 2min ni kuchafua huyo
dame fika tao ndani. kuenda shot
moja pia sare kwani watu ni wajinga
wakiuza condom tatu kwa packet?
fuata sheria kaka.
my point is pussy zote are the same
bt tafauti nivenye inapakuliwa dick
zote ni same tafauti nivenye
unapewa.

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Sunday 16 November 2014

BONOKO MONTHLY SALARY, MBUSI

I think by now everyone is aware that Mbusi left
Ghetto Radio for Radio Jambo -
Radio Africa's Swahili radio station. The
hugely popular presenter
submitted his resignation letter to
his former bosses last week, and he
hosted his last show on Friday.
Together with Bonoko, Mbusi had
made Goteana the most listened to
afternoon show, and Radio Africa
hopes he can bring the same
success to Lion's Place.
Read: Mbusi Quits Ghetto Radio
Now, it is emerging that part of the
deal that took Mbusi to Westlands
is a big pay check, very big. His
salary will more than double, from
the former Sh 250,000 to a
reported Sh 650,000. This will sure
make him one of the highest paid
radio presenters in Kenya. His
salary is even way higher than
what established TV journalists
get. KTN's Mohammed Ali is
believed to earn slightly over half a
million.
It is however justifiable, as radio
advertising is directly dependent
on the presenter and how he
appeals to the audience. Mbusi's
salary will bring him closer to the
likes of Caroline Mutoko, Maina
Kageni and Shaffie Weru.
It is however not all rosy at the
Swahili station. Ghafla is reporting
that there is uproar among staff,
after details of Mbusi's contract
leaked. Apparently, before Mbusi,
the highest paid presenter was and
is still earning Sh 150,000. Some
staff members are now demanding
equality.
Furthermore, Mbusi will host the
Drive Show, previously hosted by
Diamond Okusimba and Mzee
Toldo. Their fate remains unknown.

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GOVA KUDEDI JU YA TEI,GEJ, WABA SHENG SLANG LATEST

Kuna karau/mbanga nifla alilazimishwa ku
take tot kinde na sita (16) za
makali
na azikunywe na dakika salasa.
Akiwa
kwa harakati ya kunywaku aka
lemewa na aka anza kumwaora. Na
hakuna venye msee mwingine
angemsaidia kunywaku. Hata wife
wa
kwake alikuwa hasapo lakini
hangemsaidia kunywaku juu ilikua
dare ya aina yake.

Sa vile boiz alianza kumwaora, wife alikuwa anataka kumuokolea lakini du. Hata
ma gova wenzake na wasee hu
serve kwa baesa hawange eza
kumwokolea, wacha hivyo, hata kumkaribia i-say.

SEE ALSO:

Sasa ikabaki mjamaa/m-guyz
amekamanyuria.
Doki anadaisha
boiz alikamanyuria juu ya kukata
waba kibao sana at once na mwili
haingeweza kuihandle, ilikuwa kundialalaa.....

Tunaingiza time ya mabash na
watu
kujibamba kwa mabaesa, mtaani
nini nini, tunaomba tu, ka huwezani na tei, temana tu nayo jo!

Sheng za Nairobi

By Toboa siri

Machizi wa nairobi na Githurai (Thika road Superhighway) Machizi NAIROBI na Thika Road

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Official Sheng za Nairobi Facebook page

KENYAN JOKES 2014|2015, NYERI COUNTY CENTRAL, KUKALIWA CHAPATI NAYO...!

Jinsi ya kutunga sentensi ukitumia neno “KUKU”… (amama 20)

- kuku yule ni mpenzi wa
njoroge.

- l am a KUKUyu from Nyeri
COWnty

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- Hi! am Mwangi frm
Nyeri.KUKUmiss nayo!

- Siku Hizi KUKU amekuwa
mtamu na mapenzi..nkt!!!!
mayai ya kuku kutoka nyeri
sikuli ngo!

- My husBIRD is so HENsome!
Mwangi amenunua KUKUmanga

- Mundu wa nyomba #alimanga
kuku na ugali usiku.

- Mwanaume wa nyeri alimwaga
baada ya bibi yake kumwam
kukumiss nayo…,

#Adisia

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Saturday 15 November 2014

I TREAT YOU SO BECAUSE YOU ARE...

I mostly had a week full of
thought on the relationship
between how people treat me
and how I think/treat myself.
I realized that we are a direct
reflection of how we want to
be treated.
Think of it this way, why
would you cuddle up garbage
like a teddy bear if it stinks
so bad? or would you throw
away sweet smelling cologne
that you like so much? I
don’t think so.
I was in a situation where I
had a close friend of mine
seriously disrespect me, I was
thoroughly irritated and
wondered why he would do
such a thing, then I sat down
and asked myself, where did
he get the idea of treating
me like this? It was then that
I realized some things in the
past that would have pointed
in the direction that I could
take in any kind of treatment.
Do not get me wrong, no one
is ever justified to treat
someone else in an unfair
and unjust manner, but in
my mother tongue there is a
proverb that says, when you
do good, you are doing it to
yourself, when you do
something bad you are doing
it to yourself too.
Next time someone hurls an
insult at you, ask yourself,
did I in any way make this
person think that this is how
I should be treated? Did I
treat someone else in this
same way I am being treated
right now? Or do I see myself
as a person deserving of this
kind of treatment? If you find
yourself guilty of the charges,
make an upgrade to your
image, assert yourself and
move on.
I treat you so because you
are.

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KENYAN TRIBES BY MONEY SPENDING BUDGET, LOL.... KENYAN JOKES 2014|2015|2016

What each Kenyan tribe would do
with a 1 million shilling loan
1. Luo: Rent a house in south B
which goes for
30k
per month,paint it and furnish with
300k,party
with
friends and her girlfriend,hire a taxi
each
morning to
take him to work.
2. Kisii: Buy a plot in Rongai and
construct a
mud
hut,the rest use it to help other
family
members.
3. Luhya: Marry a second wife, pay
dowry,buy
several chicken and construct a room
for
them,buy
100 sacks of maize to counter
hunger.
4. Kikuyu: Buy a plot in Kamulu add
to other
savings
to construct a rental house, use Sh.
800 to
drink
alone in a corner.
5. Maasai: Buy 200 cows, marry a
third wife
and
pay 20 cows as dowry.
6. Kalenjin: Rent a single room in
Korogocho,
save
200k,pay school fees for his 16
siblings, marry
and
start drinking.
7. Kamba: Hire a local witchdoctor to
inform
him of
any misfortune,use 100k to bribe a
manager to
employ him as a messenger with a
salary of
3k,build a mud hut his mother at
home.

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SHENG SLANG, SWAHILI WORDS, DICTIONARY, NAIROBI

So if you are ever in Nairobi,
there are certain words you
will hear people say. It is
nice to familiarize yourself
with them and maybe
surprise someone with your
basic sheng, here we go:
Greetings
All of the following words
mean ‘hello, how are you
doing?’
1. Niaje (knee-ah- jay).
2. Sasa. Pronounced as
it is.
3. Mambo.(ma-m-bow).
It could also be
something like
‘Mambo vipi’, which
is also acceptable.
4. Howayu- Pronounced
like ‘How are you’
without the spaces
in between the
three words.
People
1. Mother- Mathee
(ma-they), Mum,
matha (pronounced
like ‘mother’), old
lady. Use the words
‘mathee’ and ‘matha ‘
with caution as they
may be disrespectful
in some settings, if
you want to play
safe, then call her
‘Madam’.
2. Father- Buda
(pronounced as it
is), mbuyu (m-bu-
you), old man, mzae
(m-za-ay)
3. Sister- sis, mtasis(m-
ta-sis)
4. Brother- Bro, broda
(brow-da),
5. Grandmother- Shosh
(show-sh), mnyanye
(m-nya-nye). It is
worth noting that
the ‘nya’ sound is
similar to ‘ña’ in
spanish in the word
‘niña’.
6. Grandfather-
Grandpa, guka (gu-
ka).
7. Cousin- Cuzo (cuu-
zo)
8. Wife- wife
9. Husband- Huzzy
(Her-zi), Hubby.
10. Mistress/man you
are having an affair
with- Mpango wa
kando (m-pango wa
ka-ndo), in Kiswahili
it literally translates
to a side
arrangement.
Clande (clan-day)
11. Girl- Dem (dame),
mrembo (m-rem-
bore) or mresh,
sister, Chile (chil-ay)
and boys sometimes
call them mami.
12. Boy- Chali (Cha-lee),
Kijana (Key-jah-na)
Every day words you need to
know
1. Matatu- This is the
14 seater or 32
seater mini-van that
is used as public
transport in all parts
of the country. In
sheng, we call it
‘mat’ or
‘Nganya’ (nga-nya)
2. Beer/ Alchohol-
Pints, keroro (kay-
row-row), Gej
(gauge)
3. Leave- Bounce,
Twende (tu-ende, e
as in egg)
4. Money- Pesa, ganji
(gah-n-gee), doh
(dough), mapeni
(ma-pay-knee),
mkwanja (m-kwa-
njah).
5. You guy- It means
the same thing as
‘dude’ in
conversation.
6. Sawa (sa-wa)- It
means ok or cool. If
if you someone says
something you agree
with you respond by
saying ‘sawa’.
7. Beba beba!!- This is
a phrase used by
matatu conductors
when they are trying
to woo in passengers
into the vehicle, it
roughly translates to
‘get into the vehicle’
or ‘board the
vehicle’ but in
Kiswahili it literally
means ‘carry carry’.
8. Haiya (her-ee-ya). Its
a word used to
express surprise,
whether good or bad
e.g. ‘Haiya! You
bought a new car?’
9. Nini- Very widely
used by Kenyans. It
acts as a filler in
conversations.
Normally it refers to
a thing, and means
‘thing’ . It is used
to refer to
something whose
name you do not
know or cannot
immediately
remember. e.g. I
saw Mary wearing
that nini on her
head that looks like
a bow.
10. Nani- Just like the
above word, nani is
a filler in
conversations as
well. It refers to a
person whose name
you cannot
remember at that
moment or do not
know. e.g. I went to
nani’s place, Tom’s
friend, to get my
phone charger.
11. Mzungu (M-zu-ngu).
White person, simply
anyone who is white
regardless of where
they come from. The
exception is for
people of Chinese/
Korean/Japanese
descent who
are called;
12. Ching Chong.-
Because one day a
Kenyan was listening
to Chinese and
thought that
Chinese had a lot of
‘ching chong’ in it,
and because a lot of
us do not know how
to differentiate
between Chinese/
Korean/Japanese
people, all people
with slit eyes are
hence referred to as
‘Ching Chong’.(Sorry
for the cultural
insensitivity, was not
intended)
13. Maze (ma-zay) – this
is a tough one! It
roughly translates
‘man’ when used in
conversation. The
way Americans use
it, like when they
say ‘Man! this
burger tastes like
cardboard!’ . That is
exactly how we use
it, so if it was a
Kenyan speaking it
would be, ‘Maze!
this burger tastes
like cardboard!’
14. Eish! (ay-ish)- Its a
word used to
express surprise,
most likely a
pleasant surprise.
For example; ‘Eish!
You have a nice
dress!’.
15. Ati (ah-tee). This
word can mean
many things but the
most common
meanings are ‘what’
and ‘that’. For
example;
‘Ati?’ meaning ‘what?’.
Commonly used when
someone says something that
you didn’t hear or
understand.
‘Ati Hannah is pregnant?’-
Means, ‘That Hannah is
pregnant?’ . This statement
shows that you are shocked
that Hannah is pregnant.

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HOW TO RELIEVE TOOTHACHE, HOME REMEDIES

Clean your teeth thoroughly. At
times, tiny pieces of food left stuck
inside the tooth with a cavity can
cause a toothache.
Brushing and flossing around the
affected tooth can help ease the
pain, especially if the toothache is
due to gingivitis (inflammation
caused by plaque).
Rinse the mouth with salty water.
This can help ease a toothache
particularly one caused by a mild
infection or a blow to the tooth.
Dissolve a spoonful of table salt in
warm water and gurgle,
concentrating on the area around
the affected tooth. Repeat this
severally every day, until the pain
goes away.
When to see a dentist
If the toothache is due to tooth
decay or a serious infection, you
need to see a dentist immediately.
Also, if the toothache is
accompanied by an earache, fever
and chills, or you feel pain on
opening the mouth, see a doctor.
How to prevent a toothache
Avoiding a toothache and other
related dental problems is as
easy as practicing good oral
hygiene;
Brush your teeth regularly, at
least twice a day using fluoride-
containing toothpaste. Brush
the tongue too.
Floss regularly. This cleans
areas between the teeth, which
cannot be reached during
normal brushing.
Cut down the amount of sugary
and starchy food you eat, since
it has a tendency to stick on
the teeth surface.
Go for dental checkup every six
months so that any dental
problem can be identified
early.

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WHAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT DIEGO COSTA, CHELSEA

Diego Costa...Born on 26th of October
1988
Altethico Madrid signed him 2006
Braga(Loan)2006--07-- 0 goal
Celta Vigo(loan)2007--08. 4goals
Albacete (Loan)2008--09. 10goals
Valladolid(loan)2009--10. 7goals
R.valleycano(loan) 2011-12. 9goals
Ath Madrid (signed)2006 -14. 45goals
Chelsea(signed)2014 till date. 10
goals
Spain national Team. 1 goal
Total= 86 career goals
Trophies Won =3...
# Alexis Sanchez 19 December 1988
Cobreloa (signed) 2004--05. 9 goals
Colocolo (signed)2005--06. 6 goals
Udinese (signed)2006--11. 25 goals
Barcelona(signed) 2011 -14. 48 goals
Arsenal(signed) 2014 till date. 12
goals
Chile National Team. 17 goals. Total=
117
career
goals
Trophies won = 8 trophies
With These i think a Normal
reasonable
person
will stop comparing both of them
Together...cos
Alexis is better than diego Costa not
to talk
of
Floppy Hazard.. Imagine costa going
out on
loan
at 5 different clubs...dat tells how
worst he
was
the best performance of his career
only
came
out Last season......

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Friday 14 November 2014

NYOTA NDOGO ENGAGED, DANISH BUSINESSMAN

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Nyota Ndogo whose official name is
Mwanaisha Abdalla got engaged to
her Danish boyfriend Henning
Neilsen. The two who are set to wed,
have been dating for nine months.
“I just woke up and got a ring on my
finger and I thank God for
everything. My fiancĂ© doesn’t only
love me but he even loves my two
children,” the mother of two told
World In. She added that her
wedding will be a low profile event
with family and few friends in
attendance.
Looks like 2015 is another year to
look out for weddings including TV
presenter, Davidson Ngibuini a.k.a
DNG, who recently paid bride price
for her fiancé Yvette Nungari .

FEMALE UNIVERSITY STUDENT INFECTS 2000 MEN WITH HIV VIRUS, Nov 11th 2014

A female student in Kenya university has revealed that she has infected a total of 324 men with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV).
The HIV positive girl, who attends the Kabarak University in Nakuru, is said to have been infected by a man at a party.
The unidentified 19-year old is allegedly aiming to infect a total of 2000 men in revenge.


According to our reports,:
The girl allegedly contacted Kenyan Scandals on Facebook and claimed she had something to confess.
After she was assured her identity was going to be protected (the Kenyan Daily Post, however, published a picture from her Facebook profile along with the article) she wrote: “Nov 11th  2014 is a day I”ll never forget, we went clubbing in town and got drunk with some senior students then went back hostels for party round 2″.
She then explained that when she woke up, the morning after, she realised a boy called Javan had had sex with her while she was drunk.
“I only asked if he used a condom and he said yes, however when taking bath I noticed sperms down there, I wanted to commit suicide, I feared getting pregnant and HIV.”

SHOCKING !!! K.U STUDENTS GET STUCK DURING SEX

News flying in indicate that Drama unfolded outside one of the ladies hostels in K.U during the weekend, after word went round like a burnig bush, that two intense lovers had got stuck into each other during an amorous congress, and had been rushed to the health unit hospital for a “separation of powers” of witchcrafty.
The shocking news attracted a huge crowd of students and villagers from K.M market who created a lot of traffic outside the health unit/ hospital to witness the off-the-wall incident. So riotous were the youthful crowd that the management of the hospital had to call the police from Ruru Police Station, who lobbed teargas canisters to disperse the curious onlookers.
When media team crew visited the hospital,  later on to file this report, the gate was locked and the hospital security and administration declined to speak to the press over the matter, terming it as “sensitive”.  According to multiple sources, the unfortunate man who found his crucial toolbox clamped is an employee of a sugar production company working on a major highway.
 In the morning of the fateful day, the two lovebirds that one live in inside the campus/ hostel and the other in K.M rental houses  town, allegedly got “locked” as they attempted to have quick early morning act of the rod commonly referred to as ‘morning glory’. “At the steamy love heights, the couple realized they had been clamped together and began groaning and writhing in pain, as their screams attracted neighbors who came to help,” said a source at the estate. He added that the driver of a Pro-box rushed to the scene and ferried the two to the hospital. However, the hospital administration sent them away, claiming they didn’t have capacity to separate the two. The Good Samaritans who had rushed them to the hospital were forced to rush them to an undisclosed location.
One of the locals claimed the husband of the two-timing woman had been tipped off about his wife’s philandering and had consulted a witchdoctor who cast a spell on her. Immediately word reached him that his wife had been caught locked in gland-to-gland combat with another man, the husband declared he was only going to “unlock” them after the honeycomb-thieving man parts with Sh200, 000. “All the players in Kenyatta university  have been put on notice that they can’t keep raiding others’ jars for cookies and think they can get away with it,” warned one angry resident.

Thursday 13 November 2014

Taylor Newcastle U21, Scores a hatrick, 2 goals and an on-goal

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Taylor Newcastle U21, Scores a hatrick, 2 goals and an on-goal.

Newcastle DC lost many chances at goal post but this just the analysis of upto first half.

More news coming.....

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MISHE MISHE SONG - CANNIBAL AND ZAKKAH (KALAMASHAKA)

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After their rise, came their downfall that left them so frustrated.
“However, even before we could
apply and write a coherent proposal,
the guys started spreading rumours
that I was purposely trying to stop
them from progressing,” says Nynke.
Being a young white girl in a foreign
country with no friends, she went
into depression. When she
recovered, she was shocked. “The
one time I stepped into the studio,
it stunk of piss. They spent days
there not recording but drinking and
smoking and chatting away. They
couldn’t pay rent”.
Kalamashaka, by now
indistinguishable from Ukoo Flani
Mau Mau, stopped attending
concerts held in posh places. “The
real reason was that they were broke,
and people expected them to arrive
in style decked in flashy clothes like
the rest of the newly upcoming rap
stars,” Ken Gee revealed.
They now have released a new track called "Mishe mishe"

KIKUYU WOMEN DESCRIBED!! KENYAN JOKES 2015


Muthoni- They are polite and
quiet but get
pregnant a lot.
Wanjiku- most are beautiful.
Wangare- They talk a lot!
Wangui- They act like they know it
all.
Nyambura- A little bit shady.
Wairimu- Very intelligent.
Nduta- They are players.
Shiro- They are drama queens.
Njeri- Cheeky and funny.
Wangeshi- They are caring.
Njoki- They are very holy and
close to God.
Washuka- They love sex a lot.
Wambui- Very choosy and
secretive.
Nyawira- They love being
pampered and
coaxed.
Mukami- No nonsense and don't
entertain
bullshit!
Nyaguthii- They rarely stick at one
place.
Always on the go!
Waitherero- Very clean.
Waithera- They have a big heart
and very
patient.

THROW-BACK, HOW PHONE RINGTONES WERE MADE


Technology imetoka far over the years. Day yenye nangos ziliingia hasapa 254 bado iko fresh kwa raiya kadhaa hasapa na ilikua status symbol jamo ya vungu sana. Nangos zilikua zinakindwa bei ingine mwenda, mtu few sana ndio walikua wanawezana pekee. Usitake jua size ya hizi nangos ilikua aje pia..karibu mtu ashonee nangos bag ndio aweze kutembea nayo, si kaa these days.
Kuna vitu wathii hukaa hivi wanakumbuka alafu wanakiche vile tumemuka farthest. Ni nini unakumbuka kutoka hii enzi ama before?

TRENDING THIS WEEK

SPORTS