MADEM, HEBU CHOPINI HII TAFASALI...!!

DEAR LADIES! IF YOUR BOYFIE IS A
JALUO...NEVER LET HIM ANSWER
YOUR
PHONE ON YOUR BEHALF NO MATTER
THE
CIRCUMSTANCES*
ONYANGO: Njeri, your cellular gadget
has
intercepted some electromagnetic
waves
and is currently summoning your
attention
NJERI: Ati?
ONYANGO: Simu yako kwisalia. Mtu
anapigia wewe sahu
NJERI: Bado niko kwa shower sweety,
please receive it for me
ONYANGO: Hallo….
CALLER: Njeri..eh, weko? Ne
mwigithania ne
ikomi na emwe
ONYANGO: Your lingual is foreign to
my
cochlea. Please utter alphabets in a
universal manner so that I can derive
sense from this dialogue
CALLER: Kwani Njeri yuko wapi?
ONYANGO: Njeri is currently
interacting
with a hot shower in my master
bedroom
that is located at the artic section of
my
bungalow. She cannot commence
dialogue
with you as her phone is not water
proof
like the one I own which can receive
calls
even while am submerged in my
marbled
jaccuzi
CALLER: Wewe ni nani?
ONYANGO: Yawaa do you have air-
time of
2,000 shillings and above? Any
airtime
below that amount is not enough to
permit me to finish explaining to you
who
I am via the phone as my accolades
are too
numerous. But to comprehend me
better,
visit any booksop near you and
purchase a
book titled “Knowing Professor
Onyango,
the individual with PHDs whose
number
exceeds the mythical lives of a cat”..I
authored it when I came back from
the
diaspora in the previous year
CALLER: Nauliza wewe ni nani kwa
Njeri?
ONYANGO: I am the individual whom
Njeri
surrenders to her fauna in absentia
of
clothing…..
CALLER: Ati umesema nini?
ONYANGO: Yes, I am the individual
who
relays copulative sensations to Njeri’s
pelvic areas
CALLER: Auwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, ati
umesema nini?
ONYANGO: I am the individual who
exposes Njeri’s lower limbs to mirror
an
obtuse angle, yawaaa. Mimi ndio
boyfriend
yake jowaa. And who are you?
CALLER: Ngai fafa….. umeharibu
mtoto
wangu. Mimi ni mamake Njeri….
ONYANGO: Ohh, I was talking to my
designated mother-in-law, yawaa.
Please
ooze pardon towards my manners
madam
and permit me to introduce myself
properly…. I am the homo-sapien
currently
in pursuit of your daughters’
genitalias
with an aim of detaining her
matrimonially....